Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, November 17, 2011
World Prematurity Day
Today is the first annual World Prematurity Day. Obviously a day we hold dear in our hearts.
Just in case you don't know about our baby, read Freddie's story - starting here.
This post is extremely last minute and really, I should have taken the time to write something heartfelt that conveys how lucky I feel to be a mom - even if my baby isn't physically here with me right now.
I'm so grateful for the NICU, for technology that made it possible for me to spend seven days with my son. I'm grateful for the nurses, doctors, and hospital staff who took care of my baby and for the friends, family, and strangers that care about our story. We are so lucky.
In honor of World Prematurity Day, another NICU mom put together this video featuring some of heaven's best. Including our little boy (around the 1:00 mark).
Just in case you don't know about our baby, read Freddie's story - starting here.
This post is extremely last minute and really, I should have taken the time to write something heartfelt that conveys how lucky I feel to be a mom - even if my baby isn't physically here with me right now.
I'm so grateful for the NICU, for technology that made it possible for me to spend seven days with my son. I'm grateful for the nurses, doctors, and hospital staff who took care of my baby and for the friends, family, and strangers that care about our story. We are so lucky.
In honor of World Prematurity Day, another NICU mom put together this video featuring some of heaven's best. Including our little boy (around the 1:00 mark).
We love you Freddie.
I really swear I'm coming back to blogging. I miss it. As soon as things settle a tiny bit in our neck of the woods - count on regular posts.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
6 months.
6 months ago the most important, beautiful, perfect little boy entered our lives.
Unfortunately, our time was cut short. However, during his 7 days on earth, he changed us and so many others.
Happy six month birthday baby boy. We love you and miss you more every single day.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
4 whole years
From this
to this
I would say I'm pretty lucky.
Lucky to have the best guy as my best friend, husband, and baby daddy.
Lucky to have the best guy as my best friend, husband, and baby daddy.
And to celebrate...we're going to
HAWAII!
With our amazingly awesome friends John and Amber.
Because really, vacations are more fun with friends.
Because really, vacations are more fun with friends.
Friday, September 9, 2011
A little update
Well I'll be...this blog still exists. A due to some pokes and prods by friends — I'm posting again. Where have I been? What is the latest? Well, sit back and I'll do my best to update you.
So why haven't I blogged? Honestly it's because there is a lot of pressure. I've spent months blogging about Freddie. Blogging about our story, our pain, and our healing. While we'll always be working through good days and bad moments — I don't need to blog about it. And frankly, I don't want to. But it's hard to know what to write after writing about something so life changing and devastating. It's hard to flip the switch from writing about the pain in my heart to pet peeves, funny stories, and frivolous adventures. But I'll try.
It's amazing how living back in Utah fits for us right now. When we moved back in May, it was to be near family to help us through "hell" and for Fred to find a job in the golf industry up here, as the season was ending in Arizona but beginning in Utah. We knew moving to Utah was the right thing, especially when soon after — Fred's course in Scottsdale was closed for the summer for remodeling.
So we moved in with my parents.
Our Summer has been insane. Which really is an understatement. In Arizona, a lot of time was spent...catching up on shows, reading, or occasionally hanging out with friends. In Utah, I've hardly had a chance to sit and watch tv. (I hope you gasped...because I did when I first realized this)
Our dream was St. George. Utah County was for Fred to find something until we found something better in St. George. If that didn't happen — then it was back to Arizona in October.
It's funny how we think we're in charge of our lives. We aren't. Something you would think we would have grasped in April.
It took months for Fred to get a job. And months is a really long time when you're living with your in laws, working from a spare bedroom, and adjusting from living a state away from family — to living in the same house.
We were getting desperate. We looked at jobs in St. George and on one such trip down there following a job interview - it was clear that St. George wasn't where we needed to be. We talked about our "situation" — ya know the one in which I'm at the doctor at least once/twice a month. We looved our new doctor so starting over (again) with a new doctor after the progress we'd made was out of the question.
As we drove home through the ugly of Utah, Fred got a phone call from a golf course in Lehi where he had interviewed WEEKS before. In the 30 seconds I had to feel sad about giving up my dream in St. G. for the unknown, we had a solid confirmation that Utah County was where we needed to be with a job offer for Fred.
Fred literally started the next day and has been working nonstop since. He loves it. And I love him when he's happy...and not moping around the house.
So here we are a month and a half after he's fallen into a position he loves, with the potential for growth within the company. We're still living the dream in my parent's basement — but hopefully looking to settle down a bit closer to Lehi (to reduce that horrendous commute Fred has each day and my occasional commute to Logan).
Thank you to those who missed me (insert giant smiley face). I'm sure you don't miss my comments on your blog, but in my break from writing on this blog—I've also taken a break from reading blogs. There are 1000+ unread items in my google reader. Which is enough to make me want to go back into hiding. I'll slowly get back to commenting and catching up on your lives too but in the meantime—are we friends on Facebook? If we aren't—let's change that.
So why haven't I blogged? Honestly it's because there is a lot of pressure. I've spent months blogging about Freddie. Blogging about our story, our pain, and our healing. While we'll always be working through good days and bad moments — I don't need to blog about it. And frankly, I don't want to. But it's hard to know what to write after writing about something so life changing and devastating. It's hard to flip the switch from writing about the pain in my heart to pet peeves, funny stories, and frivolous adventures. But I'll try.
It's amazing how living back in Utah fits for us right now. When we moved back in May, it was to be near family to help us through "hell" and for Fred to find a job in the golf industry up here, as the season was ending in Arizona but beginning in Utah. We knew moving to Utah was the right thing, especially when soon after — Fred's course in Scottsdale was closed for the summer for remodeling.
So we moved in with my parents.
Our Summer has been insane. Which really is an understatement. In Arizona, a lot of time was spent...catching up on shows, reading, or occasionally hanging out with friends. In Utah, I've hardly had a chance to sit and watch tv. (I hope you gasped...because I did when I first realized this)
Our dream was St. George. Utah County was for Fred to find something until we found something better in St. George. If that didn't happen — then it was back to Arizona in October.
It's funny how we think we're in charge of our lives. We aren't. Something you would think we would have grasped in April.
It took months for Fred to get a job. And months is a really long time when you're living with your in laws, working from a spare bedroom, and adjusting from living a state away from family — to living in the same house.
We were getting desperate. We looked at jobs in St. George and on one such trip down there following a job interview - it was clear that St. George wasn't where we needed to be. We talked about our "situation" — ya know the one in which I'm at the doctor at least once/twice a month. We looved our new doctor so starting over (again) with a new doctor after the progress we'd made was out of the question.
As we drove home through the ugly of Utah, Fred got a phone call from a golf course in Lehi where he had interviewed WEEKS before. In the 30 seconds I had to feel sad about giving up my dream in St. G. for the unknown, we had a solid confirmation that Utah County was where we needed to be with a job offer for Fred.
Fred literally started the next day and has been working nonstop since. He loves it. And I love him when he's happy...and not moping around the house.
So here we are a month and a half after he's fallen into a position he loves, with the potential for growth within the company. We're still living the dream in my parent's basement — but hopefully looking to settle down a bit closer to Lehi (to reduce that horrendous commute Fred has each day and my occasional commute to Logan).
Thank you to those who missed me (insert giant smiley face). I'm sure you don't miss my comments on your blog, but in my break from writing on this blog—I've also taken a break from reading blogs. There are 1000+ unread items in my google reader. Which is enough to make me want to go back into hiding. I'll slowly get back to commenting and catching up on your lives too but in the meantime—are we friends on Facebook? If we aren't—let's change that.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A Perfect World
In a perfect world,
I would have given birth to a beautiful, healthy, baby boy on Saturday. The picture above that was taken when I was 21 weeks (and was the last belly shot I took) would have been what I think I would have referenced as my "glory days" of my pregnancy as I'm guessing I would gotten as big as a house.
In this perfect world,
I would be on the brink of complaining about nursing, sleepless nights, and at the same time be completely and totally obsessed with my new babe.
Except, the world isn't perfect. But the plan is.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
What Makes a Mother?
My beautiful friend Hillary gave me this poem on Mother's day. After a rough weekend, I found it again and was able to feel a little peace that I so desperately needed.
What Makes a Mother?
By Jennifer Wasik
I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today.
I asked, "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard him say...
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?
"Yes you can!" He replied with confidence in his voice.
"I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day - And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here"
He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see you child smile with other kids and say, "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom, who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly, my mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy, oh so much but I visit her each day...
when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my sweet dear one, your child is okay.
Your baby is here in my home; and this is where he'll stay.
He will wait for you with me, until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home; he'll be at the gates for you.
So now you what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start.
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