Monday, October 20, 2008

Last Night

Dear Readers: if you don't like funny stories about farting please skip this post. Mom that might mean you.

Preface: for dinner I made cajun chicken pasta (yum).

Fred: Mmmm I think I want seconds
Me: I know it's really good. I can't decide if I want more.
Fred: No. You can't.
Me: what? Why?
Fred: because pasta gives you gas so no.
Me: Whatever. Everything gives you gas and name one time pasta gave me gas
Fred: Our honeymoon you had pasta and had bad gas and bad poos. And every other time.
Me: lies. I got sick on our honeymoon because of the wine that my meal was cooked in.
Fred: whatever.

One hour later
We're watching tv. All clean oxygen is removed from our home.

Fart from the husband
Me: oh my gosh.
Fred looking at his butt: what? What happened?
Fart less than 3 seconds later, measuring a 5 on the ricter scale.
Me: seriously? (start gagging) oh. My. Gosh.
Fred: giggle

This goes on for 30 minutes straight

Me: you're sleeping out here tonight.
Fred: Why?? I didn't mean to.
Me: You did too.
Fred: uh-un
Me: Stop farting then.
Fred: I can't--but they don't stink
Me: gagging
Fred: I'm sorry…the next one won't stink.

He gets up and opens a window and puts the fan in front of it. He sits closest to the window on our air mattress (that we haven't put away from Matt & Abbey's visit) I sit next to him.

Fart which is amplified by the fan
Me: gagging, dry heaving, screaming ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! How did you think that was a good idea? Oh. I'm. going. To. Die.
Fred: Do you hate me?
Me: Yes
Fred: why?
Me: because you're trying to kill me.
Fred: no no I'm not.
Me: something is dead up your butt.
Fred: but it's not my fault. You fed me.

He slept in the living room.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Our life is incredibly mundane lately. Which is why I blog about winning purses…its as exciting as it gets 'round these parts.

I'll see what tidbits I can scrounge up in this make-shift post worthwhile to read and get the harassers off my back (you know who you are)

  • School is in full swing. Sometimes I miss it and then when Fred stays at the library all day doing papers on politics (gag) and renewable resources I think, "Oh I am soo glad I'm done and NO I will not write that 5 page paper…ssshhhh Grey's is on"

  • Politics make me want to vomit. I can't wait until November 5th when the election is over. Yeah I went to Girls State--I've got American pride, however I don't think there is anyone worth voting for this year. So I probably won't.

  • We're moving in two weeks. YAY! We are moving into a townhouse style apartment about a mile away from where we live now. It's a little bigger, comes with a mini yard, a garage, and my bff as a neighbor…need I say more? I was recently told that where we live now is "ghetto" and we can't have that.

    *we won't miss: the football player parties until 4 am (what are they celebrating? They aren't good), the weird illegal neighbors, the crap-hole parking lot that hurts to walk on, and doesn't get plowed, the lack of storage space, the crazy cop raids busting through the fence "to catch a suspect armed with a knife", or the lazy landlords.

    *We will miss our downstairs neighbors (who will hopefully move by us soon), the kids in the nursery at church, and the quick walk to Jamba Juice, Smiths, Hastings, and the snow cone shack during the summer.

    (please note that our apartment wasn't that ghetto…on the inside)

  • I've turned into the married couples social director. Call me crazy but I along with a couple of my married friends have started a Bunco group, joined a craft night, planning a big ol' married people halloween party (wanna come? Email me for more info!), and started a dinner group.

    That's about it in our lives. We've got some exciting events coming up so stick it out and wait for the next blog.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Free Handbag Contest!

Hey girls go to this site and register for your chance to win a free handbag from
They are giving away 24 handbags in 24 hours to celebrate the launch of their new site.
Their purses are really really cute!

Check it out!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

For the Fans

A Southern Adoption

Here in Milwaukee I'm solo. Alone. Uno me-o. So tonight when there was an outing I debated whether or not to go because it’s a little awkward being by myself when all of these people mostly know each other. I decided I should attend because it'd be a great opportunity to meet people and it was better than sitting in my room. Oh and there was food. Free food.

While in the lobby I latched onto a group from Kentucky. They were pretty funny. I got lucky in my latching. We walked over and ate and drank a bit.(soda for me…alcohol for them). I had a crazy good luck streak and won the raffle twice. I made them run and grab my prizes and let them keep them.

While waiting for the raffle we went outside where I learned a lot about Kentucky (pay attention Enny) these terms don't apply to all of Kentucky but they do in the Eastern part (so I hear)
  • "Mash" - lemme just mash that button to get outta this program
  • "roastin' ears" - corn on the cob
  • "play pretty" - toy
  • "I don't care to" - can be I don't mind or no
  • "poke" - bag or sack

The next night we went walking around and found a yummy restaurant with the best food. I got this pasta dish (the dish itself was soo cool). After all of our appetizers I could barely eat my yummy food.
Then we went on a walk to see Lake Michigan. We should have gone during the day because it was really dark...and probably not a smart thing to do in a city we don't know.
This is for my Arkansas peeps!

I'm so happy I met these people. They were so funny and really nice to let me tag along and be their designated walker.