Friday, July 9, 2010

The Mystery is Dead

Warning: this is a post about bathroom topics.

Before Freddie and I got married I was beyond shy about gross things. I would NOT go to the bathroom at his place. ever. Farting? Out of the question. Nor did he really do it in front of me (I wish I could say those words now instead of the phrase that comes out of my mouth daily which is "SERIOUSLY? Are you freaking kidding me? Do you hate me or something?")

Toward the end of our engagement we were together more and more, and I still wouldn't go but I had to get over my fear. Upon using the bathroom, I'd turn on the sink and even sometimes the tub so no one could hear any kind of bathroom noise.
so then we get married.

everything changed. I don't know what happened and I hadn't really realized it until...I learned some fun facts about my new friends.

One of my friends, we'll call her Andy, has been married for over five years. In those five years, she has never once farted in front of her husband. Not once. It's okay if you gasp. I did.

During the conversation where this is being revealed, I'm also told that one of our other friends ONLY poops if her husband is NOT home. If he's home, she won't do it. She'll hold it for days if she has to.

Say what!?

I am officially the grossest person in the world - and pray I'm not alone.

Is it wrong if I get a little satisfaction at grossing Fred out a bit? I mean really. So what if maybe I've done those things and maybe with the door open?

After 2.5 years of gagging - I think I'm justified.

**I'm not completely disgusting - it's not like I have boy bodily functions or anything so don't judge too harshly. kthx.

Feel free to confess to something gross so I know I'm not alone!!

10 comments:

Cass & Craig said...

We would be best friends if we lived closer. I do the same things you do and I smile if I gross my husband out. Revenge is sweet :)

communikate. said...

HA! I'm totally giggling over here. Like church giggles even. You know that kind that you can't stop laughing even though you should? Yep.

K.

I was totally the same way. Graham told me he wouldn't marry me until I farted in front of him. I held out until 2 days before we got married!

As for the bathroom. Totally did the sink and bathtub thing too. For a long time after being married. I got over that. But I always lock the door and prefer that he's not around.

I can't believe your friend won't go at ALL? that can't be good!

Caro said...

My was so tall and when he went to the bathroom to drop a bomb the back of the toilet seat always got smudge and he would never clean it...ewww

Sandra D. said...

I won't lie.... Brett and I dated for about 8 years before getting married and I never farted once in front of him... Now, that we are married, it's a different story. I cannot keep burps or farts to myself anymore... I get this sad satisfaction of ripping one... It's true, I giggle so hard I sometimes tear up & it's not from the stench... that even if I tried to pretend it wasn't me who let it out i wouldn't get away with it... We are married Chan, they are stuck with us now, In sickness or Health Ha-Ha.. HA! wow, I just admitted this...

Sydney said...

I think your friends are liars.

Laura W said...

Oh Chana, I love you even more for putting up with Joseph and still loving him.

TaylorClan said...

The things I am still learning about my sisters... and yes I agree with Sydney! Some of these stories sound like tall tales....very fishy...

Shawn & Laura Walker said...

I'm not going to confess to anything but just know...you're not the only one!!! :) :)

erica said...

What she won't go until her husband is around? That is just ridiculous and unhealthy for her body and her relationship! Freak I'll take a dump on Blaine's pillow I don't care! hahah just kidding, kinda...

Camille said...

I didn't even know people like that existed still after high school. I definitely use to care when I was younger, but for some reason just grew out of it. Poor Matt thinks mine are worse than his.... yikes. I'm all for you Chana... you go girl :) I wish there were more of us around.