Monday, October 20, 2008

Last Night

Dear Readers: if you don't like funny stories about farting please skip this post. Mom that might mean you.

Preface: for dinner I made cajun chicken pasta (yum).

Fred: Mmmm I think I want seconds
Me: I know it's really good. I can't decide if I want more.
Fred: No. You can't.
Me: what? Why?
Fred: because pasta gives you gas so no.
Me: Whatever. Everything gives you gas and name one time pasta gave me gas
Fred: Our honeymoon you had pasta and had bad gas and bad poos. And every other time.
Me: lies. I got sick on our honeymoon because of the wine that my meal was cooked in.
Fred: whatever.

One hour later
We're watching tv. All clean oxygen is removed from our home.

Fart from the husband
Me: oh my gosh.
Fred looking at his butt: what? What happened?
Fart less than 3 seconds later, measuring a 5 on the ricter scale.
Me: seriously? (start gagging) oh. My. Gosh.
Fred: giggle

This goes on for 30 minutes straight

Me: you're sleeping out here tonight.
Fred: Why?? I didn't mean to.
Me: You did too.
Fred: uh-un
Me: Stop farting then.
Fred: I can't--but they don't stink
Me: gagging
Fred: I'm sorry…the next one won't stink.

He gets up and opens a window and puts the fan in front of it. He sits closest to the window on our air mattress (that we haven't put away from Matt & Abbey's visit) I sit next to him.

Fart which is amplified by the fan
Me: gagging, dry heaving, screaming ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! How did you think that was a good idea? Oh. I'm. going. To. Die.
Fred: Do you hate me?
Me: Yes
Fred: why?
Me: because you're trying to kill me.
Fred: no no I'm not.
Me: something is dead up your butt.
Fred: but it's not my fault. You fed me.

He slept in the living room.


Amanda said...

I was thinking that I might want that recipe, but I'll pass now that I read that post!!!!

Just think of how great that gas will be when he is an old man!!! Eeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

FYI: my word verification was rqobgn. I typed rqobgyn!!! Get it OBGYN!!!! Ha! Well, it amused me!

jess said...

dude. hilarious! and you know it's all downhill when you are farting in front of each other and laughing about it. ha!

jake's butt stinks so bad i told him he'd be grounded the next time he farts in the car.

Leslie said...

I am laughing so hard right now!!!

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious! And SO true to life. Joseph is just as disgusting! Oh, and I totally brought up the camp williams thing to Joseph. I told him about waddling around in our harnesses. Ah, the memories... (and that day our "song" was born.)

The Railsback's said...

I love it, you guys are awesome

Lisa said...

You two are so romantic. I love it.


This is why I love you so stinkin much! Who else blogs about farts? Ha ha...

Kristina Curtis said...

sexy!! I love it! You know you are "one" when you can laugh about farting in front of each other like that.

Laura W said...

Awww poor Chana. I wish that I could say that you didn't know what you were getting into but that would be a lie wouldn't it! Joseph certainly isn't shy about his gassiness is he? I wonder though....they certainly seem to contain themselves while they are in the temple don't they? Love you guys.

Matthews Family said...

O Chana! You kill me. Me and Jer still fight about farting. Good times! Sorry I don't comment a lot I read your blog all the time though.

Stephanie said...

Hi Chana. It's Steph, Kellie's sister. That was so funny. It sounds just like the conversation my husband and I had last night. Your brave to document it.

Amanda said...

Hey blog slacker......waiting!!!!

It's not like your busy or anything!! :o)